“Secrets lie on the boundary between self and others.”

~Amy Bunim Lawrence from Eva V. Gibson book, “Where Secrets Lie” (2021)

Adoption and Identity

Therapy is a journey of self-exploration. For the individual who was adopted, they often find themselves in crisis without a clear path forward. Betty Jean Lifton (1994) noted this self-crisis in her book, “The Journey of the Adopted Self.”

Quoting her text:

“The psychoanalyst Karen Horney defined the real self as the alive, unique, personal center of ourselves that wants to grow.  When the real self is prevented from free, healthy growth because of abandoning its needs to others, one can become alienated from it…. Adoptees, who often say they feel they have no self, can be seen as expressing this despair. Having abandoned their need to know their origins for the sake of their adoptive parents, they are left with a hole in the center of their being. They feel they don’t exist” (p. 7).

This complacent acceptance can be called “the conspiracy of silence” (p. 21).

Therapy allows the brave adventurer an opportunity for self-discovery.

Lifton, Betty Jean, (1994), The journey of the adopted self. Basic Books, New York, NY